Decisions, I don’t like you.

What dictates whether a decision was wrong or not? It was a hard one to make, but somehow it felt okay, until I saw the kids today, and remembered last semester, and all things I’ll be missing with them next. Whether it was good or bad, it was hard…and it’s still hard. Part of me wants to quit my classes for the spring and go running back to see if my job is still open. I know I can’t do both, and I know which one should be more important to me, but it just isn’t. I try to tell myself that I will have others just like these kids someday, ones that I will adore just as much, but it’s hard to believe. Being in my first ever actual coaching/teaching position, they made a lot of impact on me. And I don’t even think they realize it. This makes me know and feel like I’m meant to be a mother one day…these kids mean the world to me, and most of them are seniors, so I won’t even be with them for their last year. I hope they’ll miss me as much as I will them. So I guess I’ll smile today, in hopes that it will change my emotions into something else.

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