So about a month ago had a post entitled “Once in a Lifetime?” The idea behind this post was that the idea of only loving once in our entire lives, and that love being a perfect fairytale (even before it begins, and especially after it never ends) is completely maddening, absurd, and just plain wrong. Now take that as you will because I know that I have my own views on what love is and what it isn’t.
Find that post here: http://wp.me/p2fjLC-fA
But I am here tonight to say that I find myself to be completely wrong, that is not actually so…but in a manner of speaking, the idea that having your heart opened over and over again to people just to have it broken (whether on purpose or not) is a really brainless move.
Yes, yes I know I am contradicting everything I said. But here’s why; I am the type of person that falls in love with people so very easily. Whether it be a friend, a potential lover, a family member (blood or not), and so on. I fall in love with them like it’s nobodies business. It starts with some attractive quark in their personality and it just grows until I can’t contain it. I fall so madly in love with people that I don’t know what to do with myself. And let me tell you that it is the worst thing I could do for myself. Because nothing hurts more than loving someone so bloody much and not seeing or feeling that love returned to you in a way that you can understand (everyone has an understanding of this in some respect, right?). It’s the scariest and most sickening feeling that I know, and I can say that knowing the amount of physical pain I’ve been through, and yet I would choose that physical pain nine times out of ten if given the option between the two…
Or would I? No one likes the feeling of heartbreak (way to state the obvious I know) So then why do we do it? Is it for hope? Hope that someday maybe just maybe one of those people won’t break our hearts. Is it addiction? The High? Are we so addicted to the feeling of being in love that we have to get another fix.Is it just because we have to, because that’s the way we’re built?
The need to love people? What the hell is it? It’s not human nature, it’s too good for that…It’s raw emotion, the most pure and astonishing emotion that there is, the one that all other emotions stem from. But that still doesn’t explain why? Why do we do it? Why over and over again, why are we so bloody stupid?
I don’t have the answer, I wish that I did. And maybe it’ll come to me, something, anything…