A Lamp and Cookies at My Feet

Do you ever get to that point of being completely paralyzed when considering life, especially the future? That point where it would honestly just seem easier to just stop and avoid making any decisions altogether. That point where you feel like the rest of the world is ten steps ahead, and when they look around to find you behind them it’s as if the earth opened up and swallowed you whole, because it’s just simply not supposed to happen. If this is you then you are not alone, if it’s not then I guess I’m just mad (but what’s new?) Every time I turn around the world is becoming a bigger and bigger cookie cutter that I just don’t fit into. And maybe it’s not even that I don’t just fit into theirs; I don’t think that I fit into my own either. They have their ideas and I have mine; but none of them mold together well enough to make a pretty cut-out…It’s more just like a giant blob of leftover dough plopped onto the pan to bake in whatever ugly shape it turns out to be. I know that I have someone looking out for me, I now that no matter what I will always have someone who approves of me even when I don’t, but it’s hard to trust that every things going to be okay when I feel like I’ve gone blind to the lamp that was once at my feet. It’s still there and it’s not lighting much, I’m just too caught up in the darkened path to take my stinking blind fold off long enough to take one step at a time.

To say I hope you can relate would be a misuse of words; to say that I hope that I’d you relate you find comfort in my own findings. I to be frank, severely suck at taking step let alone one day at a time; I am much to good at thinking that I’m good at taking the giant leaps into the unknown. When in fact I would much rather find a dark corner to sit in, rocking back and forth, covering my eyes, just waiting for it to go away. But unfortunately when I remove my hands it’s still going to be dark and I’m still not going to know on my own where I’m going, and worst of all my path is still going to be different than everyone else’s and I’m just going to have to learn to live with that.

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