In My Stillness

We fight the stillness,

Trying our hardest to avoid the darkness

And the quiet that it brings,

Because even when we’re screaming in our own minds

For someone to save us from

The crowds of people taking over,

The quiet still seems lonely.

If only I would learn to let you speak.

 

Not just in the moments when the storm is higher

Then I know what to do with,

Or when the walls are too slick

At rock bottom that I can’t pull myself up,

Or the times I feel so lonely,

Forgetting who to turn to when I can’t feel you there.

But, in the moments when I feel you sitting there,

So strongly, waiting,

I can’t help but be anything but still.

 

Even when my mountains crumble,

Yours stay strong,

Screaming their adoration without saying a word,

The ocean crashes against the walls you gave it,

Obeying sometimes more silently than me,

In my stillness I am learning,

I can see, that you do so much of this for me.

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The Right Kind of Addict 

When did I forget

All the things you’ve done for me?

When did the numbness 

decide to kick in,

Without me even realizing?

When did I start thinking

That the drug I needed

Was just the one that made me feel,

And not the one
that actually let me live? 

-t.r.p.

A Place for Lost Things

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Stacked high are the books

of untouched pages,

holding all the words I’ve

forgotten to say every time

I’m with you,

of folded letters with no stamp,

and napkins with poetry just thrown away,

you make me remember

that meaningless chatter,

is like broken glass

in the silence of your company,

my words are never lost on you,

but in you they escape my mind,

never to be heard.

 

To say that it’s been a while since I’ve done any writing is a really sad understatement, and I hate it. I hate it more than anything, because some days I miss it and other days I don’t as much as I want to. I’m sorry for the absence, I really am.

 

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Not Everything Needs a Name

She had some pretty pages
In between her pretty cover,
It wasn’t loud or obvious,
But tucked inside,
Were the endless possibilities,
That only she could see,
No lock and no key,
The only thing required
Was sincere curiosity,
And a willingness to listen,
For no good book was ever read
To an absent minded audience.
-t.r.p

Constellations

They lay together like stars,

head-to-head,

hand-to-hand,

never together,

and never apart,

only invisible lines,

ever tying them together,

by stories of old fates,

never having died out,

for when the stories die,

the strings come undone

and the stories forever,

start drifting apart,

but for now they lay alone,

in the blanket of dark,

forever together,

but always apart.

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Photo Credit: <a href=”https://www.flickr.com/photos/131684026@N08/24905939351/”>www.moonrocksastro.com</a&gt; via <a href=”http://compfight.com”>Compfight</a&gt; <a href=”https://www.flickr.com/help/general/#147″>cc</a&gt;

Look, Not Physically

I’m scared to think that one day you might look at me 

And decide that you don’t

like something that you see,

So just look at me

With your eyes closed and tell me what you see,

without looking,

Everything inside of me, 

I’ll try not to speak,

For my words might give away,

The heart inside that I tend to think,

Is not so worthy of much of anything.

Fighting the Undead

They wipe my tears, and feed my fears,
shoving me over the ledge of my life,You say the ghosts of yesterday are so very far away, but what you don’t realize is just how much they stay so near,Feeding on fears of yesterday with no regrets and Everything to take away, with nothing of their own they refuse to move on, fighting the fight for my own life, They say you can rebuild a home after the hurricane has blown,

The house might be standing,

But it’s still on broken ground,

every ghost has a way of coming through the walls,and back into your life again, never alive, their words are the same, but their grip is no looser, prove me wrong and say I’ll win, stand with me and help me win the fight that can’t be won.

i wish.

I need to leave. I need to drop everything and just go. I’ll come back, but I need to get away. To make the realization again that there is something bigger out there than a dead end job and a car payment. I need to discover what it’s like to be a child again that trusts her Heavenly Father whole heartedly. There’s just one problem, I am an adult; with bills, and responsibilities, and who doesn’t have the money to run away. How is it that life gets in the way of life? It’s one evil paradox.

News & Other Stories

Forgive me for rambling but I had to share a thought with you. And I thought that I would go back and edit it, but as I was writing this it was as though I was someone just rattling this off to someone in a story therefore it had to stay this way.


Everything starts out as a pointless object, something that is secretly pretty, we just don’t realize it yet. Then one day when we don’t expect it those things become sacred momentous things that become engraved in our minds as precious memories. That leaf becomes every tree you lay your eyes on, every rainy day makes you smile, and you don’t know what you’d do if something ever destroyed that, And then it does, it breaks your heart, and you swear you’ll never look at, touch, smell, or go near another memory like that ever again.

But then time gets in the way, making you feel like it’s making life last longer than normal. Until one day you realize that those memories are no more than that, they still live, but only in the grave you slowly buried them in until you just forgot they were there. And every once in a while something brings them up, and for a moment you think you’re going to cry or scream or break down, but then you realize that it doesn’t really matter anymore. A leaf is just a leaf, and people are just people, we love them, they might even love us back, it’s wonderful, and then it’s over.

More news from my world, out with the old and in with the new!
My new job starts tomorrow and I couldn’t be more excited or terrified. But this job means more time for sleep and therefore more time for writing, painting, costuming, and being awesome.
I am putting more time into my manuscript and will be sharing some things with you soon. Hoping and praying that this is going to become more of a reality really soon.
Thanks to all of my readers, I don’t get to say it enough but I love and appreciate all of you.
Happy Monday!

23 going on 60

The problem with the world is that we are all waiting, for what? Well that’s the problem, most of us don’t know. A new job? To finish college? Get married? Turn forty? Everywhere you look you will see someone who is living a life they don’t want, simply because they want something more. They’re in college doing something practical and wasting their life away because when asked what they want to do, their parents, grandparents, friends, look at them and say “oh but you’re so young, you have the rest of your life to do that.” What happens when the rest of your life disappears? What then? I am 23 years old and I hear this excuse all the time, the excuse not to take chances or do anything with your life because you simply have the next sixty years to do so. That is the excuse of someone who isn’t playing it safe but a cry of someone who is stuck in the middle of their mediocre life and refuses to move. This is the power of suggestion, after long enough of being told you can’t move you will start to believe it even if there is nothing holding you to the ground. I don’t have the answers, not all of them anyway; especially since I’m still trying to figure it out for myself. But if you are reading this and there is something that no matter the circumstances, no matter how much of life you’ve lost, if there is one thing that exist in the back of your mind that you have never let go of, DO IT! Stop waiting for someone to tell you that you can, start small, be economical, get help, but for sanity’s sake just do it. Stop listening to the people who say you can’t; most of the time their intentions are good but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t wrong.

I am a writer. I am a painter. I am an artist. I will be these things even if it kills me, and before I turn old and gray and realize that I’ve wasted my entire life.