What We Think We Don’t Have

We try our hardest to be free,

Free from expectations,

Free of the chains of time,

Free of the things that weigh us down,

From the things that make us, human,

Even the bodies we are locked in.
We do everything we can to tell ourselves we are,

Because nothing can convince us,
Though we won’t admit it.

We can’t comprehend the idea that we are already free,

Because to do so we would have to admit

To full surrender.



The Statistical Probability of Love at First Sight

“She’s four minutes late, which doesn’t seem like all that much when you think about it; it’s a commercial break, the period between classes, the time it takes to cook a microwave meal. Four minutes is nothing…who would have guessed that four minutes could change everything.”

This, the beginning to my most recent reading adventure. When I first read this I had to read it two or three times because of what it did to me when I read the next few pages. “The Statistical Probability of Love at First Sight” is a quick, read coming of age story that is really just how it sounds. Two broken teens meet in airport because of a four minute delay in time, and their stories inner twine as they sit fly over the ocean.
Now most of the time this stuff is meant for Hollywood, it’s written a lot like I see a movie would be. Only I’m afraid if they tried a movie version they would ruin it, I wasn’t completely in love with this book, but I was pretty happy with it. I would say that if you want a good book to curl up with and read in one afternoon this would be a good choice. Now I do have to warn you, you have to be at least a little bit of a sap to read this, even if you won’t admit it.

Show me the world!

Hey readers, so I don’t really remember how much I’ve shared about what’s been going on. Life has been crazy, but good I think. I started a new job a few weeks ago, and picked up Swing dancing a couple months ago. I have been sick on and off, and just pretty much exhausted. I’m not taking any college classes this semester, therefore I am working full time and hoping to have more time for my creative side, though noticed I used the word hoping. I am actually looking into starting a small business selling art, jewelry, accessories, and home decor. And well maybe some clothing thrown in there too. I just need to figure out where on earth to start!! If anyone has any advice let me know.
I started “The Statistical Probability of Love at First Sight” but haven’t gotten very far, reading when I’m tired seems rather pointless because I just have to go back and reread it anyways, but I’ll let you know how it is.
It’s been killing me recently that I haven’t been able to take a real camera out to capture anything amazing, so that is definitely on the have to list for this weekend. That and making more room in my tiny place for more awesome finds at the flea market!!
By the way, I’m thinking I might need to talk to a professional world traveler on a budget!


Road trip!

Up at 5:15 this morning to head out to Colorado. A road trip with four girls which means a car packed full of way too much crap. And unfortunately I only have watered down coffee from a gas station, and a nineish hour drive ahead of me…yay? But then I guess I get to have some fun. Now that finals are over with and I’m done with work, I can kinda relaxish…that is after I find another job…yep that’s life, can’t wait to take pics in Colorado, I’ve never been before. Time to see if sleep is possible, if not guess I’ll read me some Nicholas Sparks.

meeting my hero

Last night was quite simply one of the best nights of my entire life! my best friend Laura (the cute one in the hat) and i drove to Tulsa, Oklahoma to a book signing. And you’re probably saying “so what? it’s just a book signing, what’s the big deal?” BUT IT WASN’T! It was Ted Dekker, my favorite writer, and my hero! This is the man that inspires me more than any other human being. Granted i only got to shake his hand, have my book signed, smile and move on…while it seemed that the rest of the room and my friend shoved in for a conversation. But nonetheless, it was amazing, he was just what i expected he would be. He is the brilliant writer that i hope to be, he is the one person that i would give anything to sit down and have a conversation with, to ask him questions, to hear his thoughts from mouth and not only the words on the page. I will say it again, it was amazing, because that man is my hero.




Besides getting to meet Ted, i got to take Laura for her first time to the Cheesecake Factory, which if you’ve never been, is absolutely amaaazing. If nothing else, just get the cheesecake (which is the whole point of going in there, duh) We also saw quite a bit of the “sites” considering how many times we got lost in less than forty-eight hours.

I don’t want to settle.

I am so blessed to have so many people in my life who care about my future, but i don’t think that any of them really understand my way of thinking and what i want to do. It’s become too normal for people to graduate high school, go to college, get a degree with that college, then get a job that they will have to support them for the rest of their life. And to me, that just sounds awful! I have been settling my whole life, and i still have a long way to go, why spend any more of it pleasing others and not myself? I can’t settle for just one thing, i’ll get too bored. I have a bucket list for a reason, half of it consisting of the things i want to do as a profession. I am currently waiting to hear back for The New York Film Academy about (hopefully my acceptance.) And just so ya’ll know, trying to type this while watching the Country Music Awards is rather difficult…Anyway, does anyone get where i’m coming from? or am i the only one? I want to struggle a little bit through life, i don’t want to know what my next move is all the time, or what exactly my future is going to look like. I want to be scared, i want adventure…is it too much to ask for people to understand and just go with it?


Kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Life never happens at the right time,

People never show up when we want

them to, they make you question

things, they make decisions hard, and

they make life, just not fair. You love

them, but you hate them.


The photos i was hoping to post are unfortunately going to have to be retaken due to some lack of technology smarts. I’m hoping to get my camera out a little more often this week, it’s a crazy time right now, but also a good time. My birthday is on Friday, and I’m needless to say, very excited, for the four celebrations i will be having (one being the Carrie Underwood/Hunter Hayes concert that happened last night.)

With winter getting closer, i can’t help but think about the fact that i am supposed to be leaving for New York at the beginning of January. I am so very excited, and i really want to, but am also rather terrified.
 I am currently very exhausted, and am hoping to get to bed early, hope everyone has a great Monday.

Winter in New York?

Today is the first day of the year that it actually feels like fall/winter. If I can find my camera charger, I’ll be posting pictures soon. (I might die if I can’t find it!!) I love the yellow and red leaves all over the sidewalk, and the fact that I can wear a giant comfy sweater while walking around with a giant cup of hot coffee. I just have to get through classes and make a run for it.
Speaking of, not many know this about me yet, but I might be spending the Kansas winter months in New York (yes the adventure I was speaking of). I have discovered that I am not meant to teach, maybe coach, but not teach. Nor do I need to sit in a bunch of pointless classes to do what I want. Therefore I am applying for a film school in New York, and the plan is to stay for eight weeks and go from there. I want to be a writer, a photographer, an artist, a designer, and I don’t need a classroom of general courses, nor do I need the English courses. So that is the plan. If I don’t psych myself out by then.


Adventure is calling and I’m scared. Of attachments and leaving, and loving where I go, of not knowing what I’m leaving or what I’m walking into.
I hate that I’m afraid to leave you, especially you. But I can’t tell you that, i can’t get further, and i can’t get closer. you have to make me go…for my sake, you just have to.